Herb and Jamaal, 10/31/14
It’s true: feelings can be tricky! Like, for instance, you may feel close enough with your best friend to just ask him about his current emotional state with a new love interest: a pretty intimate question! And yet even so, you might be embarrassed to admit that you like to weave elaborate water-metaphors about feelings, and so instead of sharing them with him and risking embarrassment, you just lean on the counter and smile to yourself, imagining those emotional waves crashing over your head. Don’t tell him what you’re thinking. He can never know.
I guess what bothers me about this is that Dagwood thinks he needs to add a jack o’ lantern to this costume to make it Halloweeny. It’s a costume. Costumes are inherently Halloweeny. Dressing in costume is pretty much what Halloween is about these days. You don’t need to gussy it up with Halloween iconography. Just dress up as a sexy slice of pizza and get on with it, already.
GOD DAMN IT
MUMMIES DON’T EAT BRAINS
YOU’RE THINKING OF ZOMBIES
YES THEY’RE BOTH REANIMATED CORPSES BUT THEIR MYTHOLOGY AND CULTURAL HISTORIES ARE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT
MUMMIES PUT CURSES ON YOU AND … UH … SHAMBLE TOWARDS YOU MENACINGLY
AND I THINK THAT’S IT?
ALSO THEIR ROTTING FLESH IS COVERED WITH BANDAGES
DEFINITELY NOT THE SAME AS ZOMBIES, IS MY POINT
GET IT TOGETHER, HEATHCLIFF
Apartment 3-G, 10/30/14
Oh, goody, you know I love an Apartment 3-G flashback! I’m guessing that this giant 4 x 6 photo at which Margo is lovingly gazing (she keeps it in her purse, for convenient loving gazing action) is neither of long-ago love FBI Pete (even though she went ahead and had a captioned beach-frolicking photo of the two of them framed for some reason) nor of Trey, the sexy bescarfèd architect who redesigned the Mills Gallery for free in a doomed attempt to win Margo’s heart. No, I think we all know that the closest Margo ever came to true love was Mills Gallery founder Eric Mills, who knew that Margo valued power over mewling, pathetic artists more than a wedding ring. Unfortunately, the two of them could never be together because he was only sexually attracted to gas grills. Ha ha, just kidding! He actually died in an avalanche trying to sneak the Panchen Lama out of Tibet, which I swear I’m not making up.
Mary Worth, 10/30/14
“Ladies, plural? Ha ha ha young man, no, you don’t understand, only one of us needs to be confined to this caring, fun-filled elder-containment facility. I myself have fantastic vision and a very important job as manager of a condominium complex and can’t possibly–” “ALRIGHT JOE GET THE STRAIGHTJACKET AND THE TASER, WE’VE GOT A LIVE ONE”
Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/30/14
Good lord, Sarah, it’s like you don’t even know the first rule of working with mobsters, which, obviously, is “don’t be a snitch.”
Pluggers, sadly, know exactly how much their time is worth.
Hagar the Horrible, 10/29/14
In the middle ages, even the armies of states and large feudal territories tended to avoid risky pitched battles; most wars were fought via sieges and raids on undefended towns and estates. Small raiding bands like the Vikings were even less likely to attempt to fight through serious resistance, since there were plenty of places that could be profitably plundered without having to deal with trained soldiers of any sort. Today’s Hagar the Horrible is entirely historically accurate, in other words.
Mark Trail, 10/29/14
Yeah, Doc, we just … told you about the mine a minute ago? Oh no, is Mark Trail going to rip off Mary Worth and do the Mark Trail storyline equivalent of putting an old person in a home? (The Mark Trail storyline equivalent of putting an old person in a home is putting an old person on an ice floe.)